


I Married A Little Green Man!

by IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: First Contact, Star Trek: The Next Generation (Movies)
Genre: Also Kind Of A Greencard Marriage But To The Next Level, Article Fic, Casual Xenophobia, Domestic Bliss Fuck Yeah, Fluff, Journalism, M/M, Marriage, Satirical of Journalism? lol, Wedding, and Lily Sloane is mentioned so briefly you'll blink while reading and miss it, article, but with a bit of Normal Fic at the end, i tried to write the most obnoxious article i could
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 08:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18339941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore/pseuds/IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore
Summary: A fic in the style of an article covering interviews with Zefram and Solkar on their wedding day. Both then have some thoughts on how it turned out.- - -This is not part of my Cultural (Mis)Understandings series but if you like this fic, you might like reading the 2 parts that are currently up !It was actually entirely because of a comment on my latest work from user quetzalzotz that I wrote this fic; it got me thinking about what Solkar and Zefram's wedding would look like. Thank you so so much ~Also this fic is a coping mechanism for the next part of my Cultural (Mis)Understandings series which will be somewhat angstier and less lighthearted fun - and goddammit, I need to write some Domestic Fluff Lighthearted Romantic Comedy in between or I'll just dwindle away into nothing. Enjoy!





	I Married A Little Green Man!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-upload from my old account that I have deleted. The work upload was originally on August 9, 2018, and I have left it untouched so it is exactly as it was.

_ **‘I Married A Little Green Man!’** _

_ April 18th - 2064 _

_ Written by Ike Riley _

 

**Some people marry the boy next door - in astro-engineer Dr. Zefram Cochrane’s case, he married the alien from our neighboring solar system. We interviewed him and his groom from the moon after they had made their marriage official at the city hall of Jefferson, MO.**

There was neither white doves nor flying saucers in the air on April the 18th when Zefram Cochrane(56) and his spaceman-fiancée known as Solkar(61) exited the offices of Jefferson's city hall to an awaiting crowd. The throng consisted of friends, historians, passerbys and a group of enthusiasts who are particularly interested in interspecies and intergalactic relations, all there to witness the first official marriage of two people from (literally) different worlds.

After friends and strangers had congratulated the contrasting couple, we got the chance to speak to the scientist himself, so that we too could understand how he got together with his outer space S.O. and more:

 

**Tell us, how did you and your now husband alien meet?**

 

Well, at the time, Solkar was the commander of the Vulcan ship called T’Plana-Hath, which was close to Earth’s orbit at the time that we had our first successful warp-drive run, just about a year ago. His crew had been waiting for humans to reach that level of technological advancement before they could touch down and meet us in person. And being the captain of his starship, he was the first Vulcan to greet us - and me, being the pilot of the Phoenix(The ship that achieved warp drive on April 5th 2063), I was lucky enough to be the first to approach him and learn who him and his Vulcan people are.

 

**So did you become friends right away?**

 

[ _Cochrane hesitates, contemplating the answer for a minute_ ] I guess you can call it that.

 

**Isn’t it funny that you married the first alien you met? _[laughter]_ Real love at first sight?**

 

I don’t know. Sure, if you look at it that way, yeah, I did know there was something special about Solkar when I saw him and shook his hand. I guess that is kinda funny.

 

**So are these aliens very different from humans? Just from a glance, they don’t look it.**

 

I would say there’s more than meets the eye. It would fascinate and maybe even shock some to hear a lecture on Vulcan physiology if it was possible to arrange. Any anthropologist or biologist would have a blast learning about Vulcans and working with them! Let’s just say, the differences don’t stop at the ears.

 

**What else?**

 

Well, you can catch your own Vulcans and see for yourself.

 

**But how did you go about getting permission from the state of Missouri to marry an alien?**

 

It is a pretty unusual circumstance, of course. I had to pull some strings, and I suppose my status came into play when I called around city hall, trying to get the permit for an Earth-recognized wedding. Given that Solkar does not have a social security number here, it took a few months to pull it all together and even get him registered as a US citizen in the process even though all I wanted to do was marry him. Worked out in the end, though!

 

**So did you two marry in order to, sort of, throw the first stone for intergalactic marriage on Earth?**

 

I don’t know - If I gotta be honest, I didn’t think of that big a picture when we decided to get married. It’s gonna sound selfish, but I had not thought of any other potential Vulcan-Human couples out there that we might be blowing some doors open for. Now that you’re mentioning it, I hope they’re out there, seeing this.

 

**What about the government on his planet, what did they think?**

 

I don't know about that, but Vulcan does not have the same marriage laws as we do. It will really only be an official marriage here on Earth, that’s all that matters anyways. Besides, to marry Solkar would mean to ensure his rights here in the US as a future permanent resident. 

 

**So you’ll live together here on Earth. You won’t have a beach house or something on that other planet?**

 

Most of Solkar’s family resides in Shi’Kahr(the capital city of Vulcan), we will be making visits to them as often as possible, I hope. Right now, we’re working on a more secure route from Vulcan to Earth which one day soon will hopefully be open to use for anyone. Vulcan tech is so advanced, so we’re trying to make an agreement happen where we can borrow their plans and improve our own ships. Then maybe other humans can see what I’ve seen of Vulcan’s beauty.

 

 

* * *

 

Dr. Cochrane excused himself to go back to his newly wedded husband, whom we also got to talk to later when he was on his own. The alien known as Solkar, an alleged Vulcan of the planet of the same name, gave us a few answers here:

 

**It is incredible to meet an alien like this! First of all; tell us how are you so good at speaking English?**

 

I thank you. We Vulcans have had the opportunity to study Earth cultures for years now, my division decided it would be required to learn the three most spoken languages of your planet before we could program a fine-tuned translator for all other Vulcans to use.

 

**Where’s your ring? Did you throw the bouquet already?**

 

I have not received a ring. Neither has Zefram. It was a mutual decision to not wear marriage-symbols. As for a bouquet, I found it unnecessary.

 

**Now, what was it about Zefram that made you want to marry him?**

 

We had discussed the municipal benefits of marriage in an Earth context. It became apparent that if I wished to live on Earth with Zefram, I would have to declare my existence to the state in some fashion. Zefram’s first suggestion was marriage, which some humans use to become citizens in a country other than their own when they have a foreign partner. Prior to this, I also studied the cultural significances of marriage on Earth, and so I knew that it would be fitting for us to attain a license.

 

**How do your people treat marriage on your home planet?**

 

The ceremony of marriage is not a subject I can speak on out of respect for Vulcan. However, married life is not so different so as to be a leap for me, culturally. Vulcans stay monogamous and usually have one mate for life until death parts them. That is, in my opinion, not so different from Earth customs.

 

**So will you get married in your people’s style as well?**

 

That would be unlikely.

 

**Did you take Dr. Cochrane’s last name or did he take yours?**

 

Neither of us have changed our names. It has come to my understanding that it is common in the United States to take your spouse’s last name, however I would not trouble Zefram with learning to pronounce mine. 

 

**But would you take his surname if you could now?**

 

I had not considered it before. We were more concerned with the rest of the business of our registration. [ _Solkar contemplates for a second_ ] However, I would consider it.

 

 

* * *

 

Well, folks, there it is: A marriage for the man of the future! Because if people can marry their cars and dogs, the next logical step would naturally be extraterrestrials - We hope their honeymoon takes them to Pluto with a detour for Saturn!

 

\- - -

 

Zefram was staring at the last line. “That colossal asshat and his bunch of -“ he ended his sentence with a resigned grumble of incoherent insults.

 

Lily had sent him the link as soon as the article was up in the local news-hole. Her use of emojis indicated that she had fallen over laughing from reading it. Zefram was firmly stewing in his chair, reading it off his tablet with a grimace throughout. 

He had been, to put it mildly, a little caught up in the moment that day to really grasp that there were journalists on the spot who wanted to cover the wedding. He had not reacted as he did now, seeing in hindsight how outlandish the questions were. That guy, that journalist, he’d given him a rotten vibe right from the start, only Zefram was feeling too high off the fact that he’d just gotten married minutes prior to truly give a shit. 

 

“What has upset you?” Solkar was sitting across from him, working on his own tablet.

“You remember the day we got married -“

“Yes.”

“Too quick. You remember the slimeball journalist with all the smart questions that day?”

“I do.”

“I’m reading the article he made and it’s a mess. He sensationalized the shit out of our wedding. Who would do that?” Zefram sounded more grumpy than truly angry in his voice. He sipped his coffee to stop the flow of his ranting. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the casual derogatory language the writer had used about Solkar. Not once had he really referred to Vulcans as Vulcans, just kept it to ‘ _those aliens_ ’ and ‘ _that planet_ ’, not to mention the weird euphemisms he used for Solkar. ‘ _Spaceman-fiancée_ ’. ‘ _Groom from the moon_ ’. ‘ _Little green man_ ’? That one made no sense at all. 

And, of course: ’ _alien_ ’. That journalist had made the simple word sound offensive without any effort. It made Zefram’s piss boil. At least the picture there was of them in the article was sweet.

 

Solkar extended a palm. “May I read it?”

Zefram hesitated before handing it over into Solkar’s benevolent hand. He read at a speed that never ceased to amaze Zefram at least a little. 

 

With his eyes still on the digital document, Solkar asked aloud: “Outer space _S.O._?”

Zefram sighed. “It’s an acronym for ‘Significant Other’. And another term of endearment ruined for me forever.”

 

Solkar turned back to analyzing what he was seeing and reading. He had truly never read anything like it. It contained glaring factual errors(Solkar was the ‘groom’, but not from the ‘moon’. And he understood that line to be meant as a rhyme, which it also failed as). The part about the ‘enthusiasts’ of intergalactic relations being part of the crowd was unfortunately factual. Solkar had been puzzled to an uncomfortable degree at their uninhibited excitement at seeing him together with Zefram. His ears had been ringing from the squealing.

 

He looked back to Zefram, no malice in his voice: “Did you seriously encourage other humans to capture Vulcans for their own amusement?”

Zefram reddened. “I was trying to get that guy off my back, he was beginning to piss me off.” 

Solkar luckily found that amusing. “Indeed.”

 

Zefram cocked an eyebrow, pursing his lips inquisitively. “More importantly - did you say you’d have liked it if you had taken my last name?”

“I did.” Solkar said, shielding nothing. 

“You know, we can still get that done. We could go down to the DMV anytime, get that fixed.” Zefram said, sounding hopeful but joking.

Solkar gave him a long look. “We shall see.”

 

Zefram had another sip of coffee. “… You didn’t just marry me for the ‘municipal benefits’, did you? Or is that my new nickname?”

“Your _nick-name_?”

Zefram had reached the height of all smugness. “Maybe it’s the nickname for my … _Bedroom skills_. Like, you wanna come over for some ‘municipal benefits’? I can give you some ‘municipal benefits’ tonight.” He was barely containing a fit of laughter.

 

Solkar looked a mix of amused and embarrassed. He even rolled his eyes, making Zefram tear up with laughter even harder.  After he had dried his eyes, he muttered: “Oh, God… That was so bad.”

 

“Of course I married you for more than your municipal benefits. Although they are a factor.” Solkar stated, almost making Zefram choke on laughter again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: It's not really a disclaimer but be advised that I'm a dumbass who thought Minnesota and Missouri was the same word for a while and therefore wrote Zefram to have some sort of connection to Missouri. I still stubbornly hold onto my mistakes. He's from Missouri now, whatchagondoboutit?
> 
> Also the title and a lot of inspiration is actually taken from the "Spock's World" novel by Diane Duane, in which Sarek and Amanda's wedding was covered by local US news. And Amanda's answer to the title of that article being "I Married A Little Green Man!" was that "There is nothing little about my husband"(!!!!!!).   
> In that same book, Amanda also says(about humans not knowing if Vulcans are any good in the sack) "Let them catch their own Vulcans and find out." [hand over mouth emoji]


End file.
